Leading furniture retailer
Search: Sofa with foot-rest
Answer: No results found. Were you looking for sofa with forest?

Leading satellite TV operator
Search: Blurred video
Answer: No document matched your query….Try more general keywords.
Search: Delayed image (same website as above)
Answer: One page’s worth of completely irrelevant hits about packages, investor relations, policies, etc.

Leading utilities provider
Search: Do you provide incentives for solar panels?
Answer: Do you provide incentives for water heaters? (and other irrelevant hits, including a link to “Information on gravity wall furnaces”)

Leading wireless provider
Search: Slow apps response
Answer: Two pages of completely irrelevant hits

Answers that would not delight anyone but an inveterate masochist! The cure: Self-service that works.

P.S. Agent-assisted service is no better – my experience with a cable services provider and their assisted customer service during a move is literally a horror story that warrants a separate book. Stay tuned!